Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
