party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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