By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
