I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
