I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
