I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
