Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
