you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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