Having a random hookup so left but love u
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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