I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
