My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
