Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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