my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
