doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
