i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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