listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
