Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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