I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
