hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
