I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
