goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
