you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
