WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
