Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
