He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
