You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
