mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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