Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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