I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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