I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize