i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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