I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
