Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
