Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
