So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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