I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
