Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
