I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
