the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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