Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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