dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
