Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
