Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize