shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
