Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
