Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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