Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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