I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the condom got lost in my hair
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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