I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
