Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
