the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
