just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
