fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
