Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
