did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
