he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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