it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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