Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
