I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
