i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
