I want to have your abortion
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
