When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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