The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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