we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
