You're so nebulous sometimes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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