I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
