Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
