My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
