apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
