Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
