I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
