i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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