WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
