Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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