WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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