I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
