you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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