Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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