My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
