He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
