Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to make out with him forever
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
