I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
