He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize