good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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