Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
