So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
