I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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