living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize