Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Couch. On fire.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
