He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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