do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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