I wish I only lived at night.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
